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*Originally posted on Medium.

Some things never go as planned.

On a hot Thursday night, my eyes laid sight on you for the first time in months after we decided to stay out of each others lives. Our passion flared up again, like it always does when we’re in view. Our mouths started moving in more ways than one, your breath heavy of alcohol and mine heavy of fear.

Clock strikes midnight and I find my old wishes coming true, just in time for my birthday. You push me in closer and swear the poisons aren’t affecting your words, yet I refuse to believe you.

I am so afraid of what you may do to me as your hand roams my body, looking for some key, some signal that gives you the green light to open up my petals and ask yourself if I love you or if I love you not. And whatever last petal you may pick will help you decide between her and me, because words are real but they never hurt as much as actions do.

You throw out the word love and beg me to tell you I feel the same, all while knowing I cannot fathom how you can tell me you love me when you are with someone else.

You and I send texts back and forth, trying to erase the night that we just let happen. My thoughts all revert back to you and how you kissed me under the moonlight on that hot summer night, both of us forgetting ourselves and our homes. All these secrets between us that must remain unknown.

There are many things I do not understand or even care to understand, but I will never be able to comprehend how one incredible, yet incredibly foolish person could affect my emotions and attitudes so much. Here I remain, a month later, still in fear of what your recklessness will do to me next.

You are there and I am here and that is the reason we stay apart.

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