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I really tried with you, but whatever.

It’s extremely difficult to purely love someone, but I did with you. I was so happy to be around you, even if that meant standing in the middle of a wildfire or feeling hunger in my stomach. If I could kiss your lips, if I could touch on your skin, then I was happy no matter the circumstance. In the most genuine manner, I loved you. I would do anything for your health and your growth. The word selfish left my dictionary the moment your name appeared in it. You know, under the definition of love, passion, and care. Taking care of you became the only way I could take care of myself, because I had to be perfect for you. You never asked me to be, I know – and I don’t blame you for the pressure I felt to be perfect. I wanted to be the best person you’ve ever encountered, because I believed that is what would make you stay. All I ever wanted was to make you stay, and I think now I’m realizing how truly selfish that is. How can I act selfless just to achieve a selfish goal? This behavior appears so manipulative upon a first analysis, but I hope that those aren’t my subconscious intentions. I would take care of you for the rest of my life, BUT only if you were good to me as well. That conditional statement is that hardest part, because you find such difficulty in treating anyone well. I know and knew many men such as yourself; selfish and cruel with relationships. This behavior is one that I could never truly understand, because we constantly need people whether we choose to admit that and by being cruel, you force yourself to involve yourself with more people than necessary. This can then lead to less genuine relationships and more temporary relationships. Why would anyone want that? I began writing this piece about the purity in my love for you, but I’m realizing how impure your love was for me and I’m disheartened and sickened. I wish you cared for me in the same way I cared for you, because our love could have been something so incredible and true. I’m sorry that it wasn’t, and I’m sorry that it could never be. I’m only sorry because I feel bad for you, for losing me, and not because our demise was any part my blame. I’m sorry that you lack compassion, and I’m sorry that you weren’t willing to take some of mine. Thank you, though. I need this growth.

One Comment

  1. Anonymous Anonymous

    We need more writings please 🙂

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