“What’s the worst feeling you ever felt?”
She calmly put out the ash from her blunt as she shifted her view from the bud to his clear eyes. She wondered about his hurt. Was he deep and emotional? Or was he just hard and rarely analytical? She wondered if any response he could produce would suffice, but shortly thereafter remembered that no response seems to satisfy her brain anymore. (Did it ever?)
“What do you want to hear?”
She wanted the good, the bad, and the ugly. She was only trying to get to know him, know something about his soul. But his intentions were completely impure; the conversation didn’t matter to him. She watched as his clear eyes shifted view from her bud to her lips and she began attempting to read his thoughts. He wasn’t like her usuals though, he always kept so cool. She wanted him to get high like her, maybe then they could be at the same level and maybe then she could see his thoughts. She tried to pass the blunt to him, but he refused.
“I can’t smoke, I have a drug test for school next week.”
She wanted to laugh, in fact her mouth started forming a smile, but shortly stopped. His eyes were clear, yes, but a deeper look into them showed that he was not fully there. He was off something, she could tell. Too many of her men were like this, sticking to one rule by breaking another.
“The worst feeling you ever had. Don’t ask me what I want, I just want your first reaction to that question.”
“Nothing comes to my mind. Prompt me.”
“Death? Friendship or relationship conflicts? Bullying? Serious tragedies? Seriously anything. You’ve never thought about the worst thing that’s happened to you?”
His back stiffened as it straightened. She wondered if her last question made him tense, or if the whole conversation was making him this way. He was trying to remain cool, calm, collected and she could tell. She felt excited, then, as she realized he was showing a piece of his soul.
“My mom. She left my dad and me when I was probably five or six. I barely remember how she looks, but I think that I don’t really care. It doesn’t affect me now but growing up I felt like the odd one out.”